Wake Me Up
by Gundam Revelation
Summary: Miroku is accused of a crime he didn't commit and it leads to some dire consequences and Inuyasha makes a bad mistake. All will become clear. Will become MiroSan.
1. Chapter 1

Kinda dark, be warned, so, uh, read and review...please?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything...

Leave questions in your reviews so that I may answer them.

You can flame me but please tell me why you are flaming.

None of this: You suck! Blah, blah, blah, I hate this!

Please tell me why so I can maybe fix it.

The woman is crying. Large tears drip onto her torn yukata and are quickly absorbed into the pale pink cotton fabric. She is young, not overly so, and the fine creases around her eyes betray her age. Her hair is dark, her skin a healthy, creamy tan from working in the fields. Tears that do not become her mar her fragile beauty. Blood stains the inside of her thighs and smears over the clean woods of the temple floor. Her naked shoulders shake harder and she points across the room.

"The monk...he, he, he..." the woman is unable to finish and she hides her face in shame and terror. "...He..." she hiccups and slumps onto her side, curling into a quivering ball, the very picture of trepidation. She points at me and I know that I must look puzzled and worried because I certainly feel it. I move forward, to go to her and comfort her but am smacked aside by the white-haired half-demon that sits beside me. I yelp when I hit the wall and clutch my left shoulder in pain, agony dims my vision as sweat beads on my face.

"You want to hurt her more, eh? Miroku?"

"...Hurt...I don't...?" My heart beats faster as the full throbbing of my broken appendage reaches me and a fear grips my heart in its icy talons. I inch upward and stand, unsteadily, dazed, painfully. "I, I don't understand...Inuyasha..."

"You don't understand?" The demon roars and the woman cowers and I flinch, "you, you!" Inuyasha is livid with rage; his eyes are icy and cold. "You _hurt _this woman and you don't understand?"

"But...I've never seen...this...girl...before...I swear..."

"Never asked you to bear one of your children?" He asks spitefully, a sneer twisting his lips, "look at her!" I swoon in pain as Inuyasha grabs the back of my kimono and jerks me forward, fear and panic grip me...I have to get away...Inuyasha will hurt me again!

The woman screeches and crawls away on her hands and knees as I stare on in horrified bewilderment.

"I would never...hurt anyone like this..." I don't understand; I have never seen her before.

"You always lie, bouzu...tell me why I should believe you now." My heart clenches as clawed fingers release me and I drop to the floor trying to ignore my irrational fear of the monster, my friend, that looms over me.

"...We...we are...friends..." I gasp, my hopeful violet eyes are met with blazing gold and my breathe catches in my throat.

"This type of fear doesn't just show up out of no where."

"But..." I struggle to my feet; the panel of eyes staring at me from the shadows sends new panic racing through me. If my friends don't believe me, if they hurt me...what will these people do to me? I jump as one, an ancient man, speaks to me in a slow and measured voice that creaks with his age.

"You will leave our village and we will repair our damages." He pauses, as if waiting for me to protest, and then continues icily, "your "friend" seems to have punishment worked out accordingly. Get out." Old, tired eyes drift to the crying woman and soften. My confusion deepens and I realize that I have never felt such dread as I do now.

"I...I..." Backing out through the dark doorway, my eyes never leave Inuyasha's hate-filled countenance.


	2. Chapter 2

The chapters will lengthen eventually...see, I'm trying to create a mood?

Thanks to all those who reviewed.

Flames only feed my angsty fires. v

I run. I run as fast as I can. My right arm grips my left like a vice, close to my body and away from the pain the stabbing shards of what was once my left arm causes. Tears streak my face and the droplets pepper my kesa as I shake my head.

I don't know what is happening.

If it is a dream, why can't I wake up? My first rational thoughts are that Naraku is playing me for a fool and that Inuyasha wouldn't hurt me like this without just cause.

But the pain in my body won't be ignored.

My left arm is useless and will always be that way...the bones were crushed to dust by his powerful swing.

Inuyasha was so quick to judge me...so quick to injure me...

I trip over something and skid heavily across the ground after swinging my body so I take the road with my right side. Dust and blood coat my tongue and the inside of my mouth, I feel grit between my teeth, the dirt stings my eyes.

I wish, suddenly, that Sango were with me...

Footsteps sound behind me in the dark and I curl around my shattered arm...I know who stalks me.

"You are pathetic." Inuyasha sneers and I see him through half-slit eyes. The overwhelming sense of terror that grabs hold of me makes me sick, I am terrified that he will strike me again. "I told the girls that you were splitting off from us to widen the search." His tongue swept across perfect teeth and he grinned. "They think they're going to see you soon, but I'd better not catch you near them." Something clattered to the road on my right, it was my shakujou but I made no move to catch hold of it: fear kept me still.

"I...I didn't do anything to that woman...I swear..." I lurch to my knees but my shaking voice falls on deaf ears, he is walking away from me. A sudden surge of anger rushes through me and I swing my right arm into the air. "Inuyasha!" Glancing back over his shoulder he sniggers.

"Go ahead, if you think you can, _Miroku_." His face turns away from me and he disappears into the shadows. Fresh tears make tracks in the dirt and grime on my face. I sit alone in the night.

I wake to the early morning sunlight streaming down on me through the trees that shelter the road. I don't remember falling asleep and I curse my good luck...that nothing devoured me in the night. Wincing I sit up and grasp my shakujou with my good hand; it is still icy cold with slippery dew and I welcome the familiar jingle of the rings. My head throbs in time with my shoulder and I wonder how it will heal, if at all. General knowledge of such wounds tells me that I will have this pain for the rest of my life, however long or short it may be.

I don't look forward to the rest of it.

Somehow I stagger to my feet and walk forward, using my staff as a walking stick. I feel sick inside and I long to be with the Sango again, without her I am lonely and I don't like the feeling it leaves within me. I remember back to before I met up with the others, how the lonely solitude hadn't seemed that powerful.

But to have had friends and lost them is worse to never have had them at all, I think.

My heart aches with horrible loneliness and my physical pain seems to pale in comparison. I have never wanted companionship this badly before. I long for the comfort that Kagome-sama and Sango and Shippou-chan would offer me.

My soul is dying...

My arm hurts more with every step and I know I need something to bind it with, but without the use of both my hands I know I will be hard pressed to rip my kesa apart. And without the use of my holy staff as support I know I cannot walk.

For now my limb dangles at my side, known to me only as a stabbing ache drawing the strength out of me.

I don't know what road I'm on and the heat of the rising sun does nothing to warm me...and the cool breeze does nothing to cool the fire burning inside me.

I have been walking for hours...my throat is dry...my body is hot...I feel cold...I sob and pity myself...I am pathetic...I want to die...

...But my body won't stop breathing...

...so I keep walking...


	3. Chapter 3

Remember, every time you flame me, somewhere a puppy dies.

...Well...no, not really.

Thanks for all reviews! Oh, I'm so glad you all like it so much...except now I'm worried I'll mess it up...But thank you!

And, yeah, I know it's short but I promise they will get longer...someday.

Oh, and please forgive the many mistakes I made in my other two chapters. I will be more diligent in the future.

My days begin to merge with one another. The few people that I've seen on the road stay clear of me and I don't know whether or not to be thankful that they leave me unaided or beg for their help. My body will give out soon, I pray, or something will eat me when I slip from consciousness in the painful nights...

The entire left side of my upper body is black and blue...I looked once, when I stopped at a stream crossing to douse the fire devouring my forehead. My shoulder is a shapeless mass and has swelled to at least twice its normal size.

The pain gnaws at my consciousness...walking hurts me, but I cannot stop...I will walk until I can no longer move forward...maybe then I will finally be at peace.

The crying woman haunts my dreams...every night I ask her why she is crying...I ask her what I could have possibly done when I had never even seen her before...she never answers...she only weeps into her hands.

The dream ends the same way...every night for the past three nights...I think...

Inuyasha striking me...pain blossoming from my shoulder.

I don't know why it bothers me so much. I've been hurt by demons before. I think, often, that it must be because I am powerless to stop him. If I pull him into the kazaana, then Naraku will take over the world...Kagome-sama will be devastated. Other times I think that it was because he was my friend. I keep hoping that I am merely dreaming somewhere, lying next to Sango and dozing in the sun with Kirara asleep on my chest...

But the only dream that exists in my world is the crying woman...

Rice paddies glimmer ahead of me...the only village I have seen since I...left...the others. A dry sob escapes my throat as I think of them...tears threaten to spill down my cheeks...I stumble...

...Darkness reaches for me and I welcome it...the last thing I hear is my shakujou ringing in my ears...

Finally the sleep of death has come to claim me...


	4. Chapter 4

This is in Sango's POV-just a switch, I think. It will go back to Miroku in the next chapter.

Oh, and to Nix Entente! Please stick with it, I know it's long and drag-e with a lot of dot, dot, dots, but it'll pick up...uh, I won't say soon...but it will pick up! I promise!

Less "..."s too for a time.

Everyone else! Thank you for the reviews, I hope hear from you all again soon!

Does anyone reading play Zelda: WindWaker? 'Cause I just got it and it is really cool!

Inuyasha lied to us. I know he did because he always glances to the left when he lies. He told us that Houshi-sama left so that the chance of finding Naraku would be greater.

But I know Houshi-sama wouldn't do that, I know he wouldn't leave us without saying good-bye first.

Kagome-chan and Shippou seem content to believe him, I, on the other hand, am wary. With two fingers I pet the fire-cat resting on my shoulder knowing that Kirara misses him as well.

I suspect something happened while they were both away at the house of elders in that village we just left. But whatever it was, Inuyasha keeps silent about it.

He had stormed into the room that they were sharing and beckoned houshi-sama to come with him. He had said that the elder of the village wanted to speak to him and houshi-sama never came back. In fact, I saw him run out of the village with Inuyasha following close behind carrying the shakujou. A while later Inuyasha returned without him, feeding us his story as he entered our room.

I don't trust him anymore.

And am tempted to merely ask him what really happened but I know he won't answer, he never does. I keep walking, without Houshi-sama here my Hiraikotsu feels heavier then usual...I sag under the weight, plodding slowly behind Shippou and Kagome-chan. Inuyasha is scouting ahead.

"He'll come back, Sango-chan." Kagome-chan has fallen back to walk in step beside me, Shippou cradled in her arms.

"I'm not so sure he will...I feel something is wrong between Houshi-sama and Inuyasha...something happened at that village..." Kirara mews in agreement. I shift under the burden of my weapon.

"I'm sure it was nothing serious, probably just a, a misunderstanding, that's all."

"I'd still feel more right with Houshi-sama's decision if Inuyasha told us what happened." I tread wearily forward, at war with the emotions raging inside me.

I tell myself that I'm upset because our fighting force was by cut by one third. I tell myself that battles will be harder without the kazaana, despite the cold reality that it is a curse...I tell myself that even finding a room in a village will be that much more difficult...

I lie to myself.s

The hard truth is that I miss him...I miss his eyes, his face...I miss his smell...I miss the jingling of the rings on his shakujou...I want to hear him joke and laugh...I want to hear him chant his sutras...I want him to hold me when I ache...to rescue me when demons catch me off-guard...to sit with me in verdant fields...

I want to embrace him close to me...to feel his heart pounding next to mine...

"Sango-chan?" Kagome-chan's soft voice jolts me from my reverie.

"Yes...?" I answer lazily, still lost in my longing...

"We could ask Inuyasha..."

It isn't true! It can't be true! He would never...he would never...

I cover my face and scream alone in the sanctity of trees that surround me. Kirara's wet nose pushes against my cheek and I grab her tightly. I hug the tiny creature and feel her expand in my arms. I bury my tear-streaked face in her giant mane.

It can't be...

Houshi-sama would never...he always jokes but he wouldn't...he couldn't...

We had asked...and Inuyasha had uncharacteristically answered. He even seemed unbelieving...sorrowful.

"But the woman was terrified out of her mind." He had said. "She was screaming..."

I ran away from the others, wanting to be alone...

Part of me hates him-the other part of me believes that he is innocent, that he was framed...Naraku...he was framed...

Inuyasha said that he had struck him and didn't know if he had hurt him badly or not...

"I was angry at the bouzu..." I had listened with doubting ears... "she shrieked when he went closer to her." He had looked away then. "I didn't want anything to happen to you two...if he was guilty..."

"Didn't you ask him?" I screamed, "didn't you ask for his side of the story?"

"He said he hadn't seen her before!" He had yelled back and Kagome-chan had covered her mouth, tears were welling up in her eyes, Shippou was crying. "I didn't know, he always lies! How was I to know that he wasn't lying then?"

I slapped him.

I ran.

That was hours ago.

I wander back to the fire, my eyes red from sobbing

I am confused...I don't know what to believe and I tell myself that if I could only speak to him, I would know...I would know if he had hurt that woman.

"Maybe he will come back, maybe he'll find us again." Kagome draws me down to sit next her, draping a blanket about my shoulders as she does so. Kirara curls up on my lap.

The white-haired Inuyasha fidgets across from me, beyond the flames, I can tell that there is more to his story and I test my hunch.

"Inuyasha probably said he would kill him if he came back..." the half-demon nods once, looking away from me. Shippou hugs my neck, he hadn't seen the affirmation. I sip the tea Kagome-chan shakily hands to me, not really tasting it.

I don't want him to be gone...

I look to where he would usually sit, cross-legged, in between Inuyasha and me. It is cold and empty, flickering only with icy firelight.


	5. Chapter 5

This is a short dream sequence, that's why its kinda...weird.

It was actually the first chapter I wrote of this story...it took me a while to figure out how to lead up to it...

Please, read on!

This is Miroku

Pain brings me back. Horrible, blinding fire brings me back to this land of the damned.

And I cannot again escape into darkness.

Kagome-sama is crying...Shippou is crying...and Sango is screaming...although silently.

I'm not dead, I don't think I'm dying...but I wish to Kami-sama above that I were.

The agony is unbearable, I want to scream and cry...

...But I can't...

_"I didn't_..._do it_..._" _My proclamation to my innocence has gone unheard...or is ignored...and I curse Inuyasha...I curse him for instilling this _fear_ of him in me...I curse him for hurting me...I curse him...

...For not believing me...

_"Please_..._I_..._I_..._swear_..._" _My lip is bleeding...I can taste it...warm and coppery on my tongue...My arm drops back to the dust, I didn't even know I was reaching for Sango...dirt jumps into the air and settles back to my skin. I can barely feel it...

...The pain is so bad...

_"_..._Believe me_..._" _My head is splitting open, I know it is...or at least, it feels it. I feel bones in my left shoulder move as I struggle to get up...the grinding noise hurts me more then the real pain; my shoulder is numb...I stagger and crumple back to the dirt...

Writhing in misery, my back arches...tears spatter into the dust...

I don't know what is worse any more...

No one believing me...

The physical pain...

The overwhelming sense of betrayal...

How quickly the wind turns...

_"_..._Help_..._" _It is a whispered plea, I am panting, out of breath...Inuyasha sneers, hate is painted on his face and I cannot escape it...Shippou won't look at me, nor will Kagome-sama...I am...alone...

_"_..._Help_..._me_..._"_

I gasp and the pain takes me...far away...into darkness...lonely...darkness...


	6. Chapter 6

You may notice that this chapter is longer then the previous ones. This is because Miroku was confused and hurt before, therefore, his thoughts were fragmented. Now he is beginning to see things clearer.

Thank you for reviewing! v

Italics, if in a line by themselves, mean a flashback...

AN: Ashita tomorrow

italics, if in a line by themselves, are flashbacks.

Coarse, damp fabric swathes my forehead leaving a swatch of cooled skin in its wake. I gasp with the sensation and open my tired eyes. It is dark and I am lying on a soft bed of straw covered with a lotus-patterned, blue yukata. I realize after a short while that I am no longer cold and that the pain in my arm is only minimal.

Could it really have been just a terrible dream? An unfamiliar visage hovers over my face and I struggle to focus but my eyes just won't cooperate...they are already slipping closed...I'm so exhausted...

This time the crying girl does not invade my dreams...

Daylight wakes me this time, filtering through cracks in the wood, and the person that had drifted over me in the night is gone. The cloying smell of medicinal herbs is thick in the room and the dark, heavy heat makes it a battle for me to maintain consciousness. My left arm is bound tightly to my body with soft white bandages that are slightly stained with blood...mine...

It strikes me, suddenly, that this isn't Kaede-sama's home. Tears run down my face and I sob like a child. I want the others! I am sick and alone and the only people that I ever trusted don't trust me! They don't want me anymore! I have been tossed away like an old moth-eaten kimono that no amount of thread can mend...

The urge to curl into the smallest ball possible is overwhelming but my body won't listen to anything I say...the painkillers that have numbed my arm have also numbed my entire being...

A rectangle of light falls across my prone form and blinds me. I blink and more tears cascade down my cheeks. The person from before is here again...and she is female...her black hair is falling out of the pins that hold it back away from her face...Sango's face at first glance...but with a light dusting of pale freckles across her nose and cheeks...

My heart clenches and more tears burn in my eyes.

Her soft hand rests on my forehead and she frowns, a slight curving of her lips in the wrong direction...her eyebrows knit together and then she smiles softly down at me...

"It's all right, it's the medicine," she says, "it makes you weak." She speaks to me as if I was an old friend and my howling is startled out of me. "We thought we lost you there for a few days." She continues checking me over, pulling the heavy blankets down around my waist, and I notice for the first time that I am completely naked. I feel the blood in my body make a mad dash for my face. "Ah, I'm glad to finally see some color in your cheeks!" She laughs; a hearty, full sound and when she stops the resonance seems to echo.

Then the air becomes strangely empty...

I wince when she gently probes my shoulder and arm, and her manner becomes serious. "I don't know what happened to you, but you won't ever have use of this arm again..." I swallow, but it isn't like I didn't already know that I wouldn't. "You may be able to move it again in time, but it will never lift anything. We'll work those details out later though, okay?" Her warm hand grasps mine for a minute...I regret not having the strength to do anything more then to squeeze my fingers slightly. "Well, I'm certainly glad that hand relaxed," I notice that she is holding my right one, the hand containing my kazaana. "I couldn't get you to let go of those rosary beads." My heartbeat quickens as I think of what could have happened.

"...Pl...ease...l...leave...them..." I am surprised at how weak my voice sounds, it is barely above a whisper and it hurts to speak. She smiles again and her eyes smile as well.

"I'll leave them on," I suppress a yawn and try to keep my eyes from slipping shut but I am fighting a losing battle. The blankets are pulled back to my chin and I settle into their warmth, giving in to a deep sleep.

I am wakened in the night by dreams of Inuyasha. I scream and lurch upright, terrified that he is in the room with me. Cold sweat pours off me in waves and I grab the blankets, curling into them as tightly as my arm will allow. I am sobbing in fear and while half of me is disgusted with myself the other half screams for me to run. Adrenaline courses through my veins and I scream for Sango...I'm so scared...I cry harder and start to hyperventilate, pain fills my body and my confused mind thinks that it is Inuyasha trying to finish the job he started back at the village with the weeping girl...

...Warm arms envelop me and I clutch them for dear life with my good arm and writhe closer...

...somebody please...wake me up...

"Help me..." I gasp, "...Please...don't let him...don't let him...hurt me again...please..." I beg, only aware of how much I am shaking and the strong arms that hug me tightly...

_Suddenly I'm a child again...father is dead...Mushin is embracing me...I cry into his robes..._

Snap! Back to reality! I am calming down now and I feel someone stroking my sweaty bangs...I've returned to my back and am under the blankets...the massive fear is almost gone now but I wearily check the room anyway. Once convinced that he is not here I look for the one who held me...

It is the girl from before...she is worried, I can tell from her eyes.

"Are you all right now?" She asks, voice trembling. Hurriedly she runs a hand through her ink-black hair and then places it back on my forehead. "You were screaming..." she laughs nervously, and I feel her hand shake, "then you just...kinda blacked out..." A cool cloth is placed on my forehead. "Are you all right now?" She asks again, and I nod slowly, once, suddenly exhausted. "Your fever is back up...it must have been a bad dream."

"...Wi.." I start to cough and it hurts my throat, chafing it raw. She offers me a bowl of water and I gulp it down greedily, almost choking, noting only for a second that it is laced heavily with herbs...probably to help me sleep...I try again, "...will you please...stay with me...?"

I am the little child asking to sleep with father again during a thunderstorm...

"Of course, if it will help you rest." My eyes close and she is lost from view.

I wake in the morning to find the girl who resembles Sango sleeping against the wall. I slowly and carefully prop myself up on my right arm, flinching as my useless appendage shoots twinges of pain through my chest. With all accounted for, I am feeling fairly well. The herbs make my head feel heavy and warm but other then that everything is all right...

...until the room begins to spin...

I hold my head and groan...but in doing that I leave the rest of my body with no support. The planet seems to tilt on its axis and I am on the pallet again with no notion of how I got there. The medicine gives me on odd sense of vertigo, skewing my world slightly so that I feel dizzy, and I find that I lose seconds, brief blackouts that I pray will leave with my illness.

The girl is awake and staring at me. This time I manage a wavering smile...she returns it and holds another bowl of water to my lips, this time I only sip a little.

It is sweetened with fruit juice this time.

"Thank you," I say softly.

"No problem, I'm only glad to see that you're feeling better today." She replies and helps me sit up again. I don't tell her that I had only just fallen over. Unable to stop myself, I tip slightly and she catches me, propping me firmly against the wall with blankets wrapped around my shoulders. "I was hoping you might be able to walk a little today, get some fresh air?" I wait, and when I answer it is with a question of my own.

"How long have I been here?" She removes the blankets and this time I don't blush, sleep is still too fresh in my memory. Carefully she begins slipping a soft, deep blue kimono around my shoulders, helping me stand and supporting me when she fastens the obi firmly around my waist.

I note, thankfully, that the world isn't spinning quite so much now.

"Two weeks, you were asleep I mean. Then you woke that one time..."

"...Yesterday...I know." She offers me a sad grin.

"Well, no. That was almost a week ago; that's when we thought we were going to lose you."

Three weeks of sleep. If I had lost that much time...my blackouts were longer then I thought...

"My..." I swallow heavily, "my nightmare then, it felt like last night..." I stop talking as it is beginning to give me a headache. Another smile as she grips my right arm carefully and hands me my shakujou, it slips comfortably into my hand and my heart lightens...for a moment...

"Yes, that was last night." Her eyebrows knit together and a scar I hadn't noticed before creases on her forehead. "Don't think about that now; let's just go for a nice, short walk together." Slowly she nudges me forward and my legs feel like jelly. My vision blanks white and I hear my staff hit the ground even though I don't remember letting go of it.

"...Oh..." I moan quietly and find I am still standing...with her help of course. Unfortunately, it feels as if I'm lying down...I would have been positive about it but her arms are at such odd angles that she can't be prone...

"Are you all right?" Her voice is lined with concern and I smile at her. "Would you like to lie down again?"

"...No...I'd like to sit outside...if that's all right...I feel...better now..." lips pursed in thought, she seems to debate it within her mind before nodding and helping me out to the step. When we reach it, I want to fall over but she lowers me gently down and sits beside me, supporting me with her hand on my back. The sun is warm on my face and I breath deeply, the scent of rice cooking nearby makes my mouth water, but right now I only doze, tired from my trek out here.

"What is your name?" The question startles me and I jump slightly, my eyes shoot open

"My name? It's..." I hesitate...the name brings back memories...not all of them good...

_"You want to hurt her more, eh? Miroku?"_

Inuyasha's last word to me...I shudder and grow cold.

"My name is Miroku..." I whisper, "...I...I'm houshi..."

_Bouzu..._

"Ah, so I should call you houshi-sama then?"

"No!" She jumps, it's the loudest I've spoken yet and I am instantly apologetic. "...I'm sorry...no, just...'Miroku' is fine..." There is a tense silence and the wind stirs the rings on my shakujou. I take the brief respite from the silence as an opportunity to ask, "what is your name?" She smiles, her hand still on my back, and looks out over the bustling little township.

"My name is Ashita, and I'm the healer for this village."

"Ashita-sama...it's a very fitting name..." she smiles and I close my eyes but can still see her.


	7. Chapter 7

Sango again, during Miroku's time of illness...the chapters got a tad messed...oh well.

Thank you for your many reviews!

………………………………............................................................................................

It has been over three weeks now and houshi-sama still hasn't come back to us. I don't know what this means...I had thought he would try to find us, but he must have taken Inuyasha's threat seriously.

It is quiet without him around.

As if someone has passed on...

We have gained no more shards of the Shikon no Tama but Kagome-chan tells us that she can sense a faint presence behind us. She can't tell if it is a jewel shard or not.

I don't look forward to going back that way, not after weeks of running from that direction. But we are continuing on to the next village for supplies and then we are heading back.

I haven't spoken to Inuyasha since that night when he told us what really happened.

...Nor has he spoken to me. I can't say I miss our conversations.

"Do you think...he went back to Mushin?" My head drops lower when Shippou asks this. I just want to block houshi-sama from my mind.

"He could have..." Kagome-chan answers quietly...

That marks the end of it.

Tears, they can only be mine...darken the dust under my feet...I miss him so badly it hurts...

It is like I lost Kohaku again...I am alone again...

………………………………............................................................................................

The sun is high in the blue expanse of the heavens now, and there is a village in the distance. I can no longer escape the fact that I will have to pass through that township behind us again...

It holds only bad memories for me, as it is where we lost houshi-sama...

"Lets hurry up here and go after that shard..." Inuyasha doesn't sound like his usual self...I think even he misses him...

We stock up on water and food, heading out after only an hour's rest. Now we are trudging back the way we came.

"It seems as though..." Kagome-chan's face scrunches in concentration, "...The presence is moving away from us...it's growing weaker."

"Well! Let's hurry up then, Sango, ride Kirara, I'll carry Kagome." I obey sluggishly...I could care less what happens to the shard we now pursue...

I dislike running in circles...


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you guys for all your reviews, I love you all! --

Please continue to leave them and read on!

It is close to dusk now and the bats flit around in the dimming light hunting the insects that seek to feed on my blood as I sit on the step. Ashita-sama is preparing dinner for me and I haven't the heart to tell her that I am no longer hungry...I only feel sick...

I am sick for my friends...An overwhelming loneliness is eating me from the inside and I don't want to stop it...

I want to fill the hole that it has created...I want to see Shippou and Kagome-sama again...and Kirara...I long for Sango...I want her...

I want to see her face again, to smell her intoxicating scent...I long for her touch...her calloused fingers so accustomed to hurling that great weapon of hers...Hiraikotsu...I miss her eyes...

Tears flood mine and I wipe them furiously away. My shakujou is across my knees and I touch a ring as Ashita-sama rounds the corner of the house carrying a tray of food.

"Did you have a nice nap? I'm glad to see you made it out here on your own." Indeed, I was feeling enormously better from this morning when I first stepped outside...but fatigue still nips at my heels and the gaping emptiness will not leave me...

"Yes...I want to thank you for helping me..." the gratitude is partly false, I think I would have rather died then to face life alone...

"I couldn't leave you in the road." I answer in my mind that of course she could have...I probably would have been better off...I know I wouldn't be plagued by nightmares of Inuyasha...

"I suppose not..." She hands me a bowl of rice and I wonder, slightly bemused, as to how I will eat it. Ashita-sama hands me a pair of chopsticks and I grab them awkwardly, trying to balance the bowl on my shaking knees. I see she is not going to coddle me as she has already dug into her own meal, snatching slices of radish and portions of rice with her pair of worn eating utensils. I finally manage a mouthful out of politeness and I see her peeking at me out of the corner of eyes filled with mirth. The rice is good and I suddenly regain my appetite...I only spill a little and am soon full. I hand her back the bowl and thank her, already feeling sleep's fingers reaching for me. I sense, though, that she won't let me sleep yet...

I must admit that I have done enough lately...

"Why do you wear that glove and those beads?" The question, despite its abruptness, is anticipated...I had seen her eyeing it more then once and I can only thank the gods that she hasn't removed it in my sleep.

"I'm cursed," I reply simply and it appears as if she doesn't believe me.

"Come on, cursed?" She laughs, "I thought it was just a fashion statement. Albeit, not a very good one!" I pretend to ignore her comment.

"I _could _prove it...I call it ka-zaa-na." I space the word out over its syllables and smile a wry smile...It feels good to tease her...after the fashion statement remark I feel I'm entitled to a little fun. In any case, it dulls the pain of my loneliness, if only by a small amount.

"'Wind Tunnel', eh?" Her eyes narrow and I look around, for some reason I don't want anyone else to see.

"Remove the beads and brace yourself. Do not let go. Put them back on when I tell you to. Ready?" She raises an eyebrow and huffs once in comical disbelief but twines her fingers in the rosary anyway. I lift my arm, carefully because it pulls painfully at my other shoulder and hold it straight out in front of me. "Let go."

The force of the tunnel opening almost forces me backwards and I have to concentrate in order not to fall over. The roar is deafening and I chance a look at my unusually silent companion. Her mouth is open and she is staring at my hand, the string clutched tightly in her hand. I smile tiredly, "Replace them!" I shout over the din and she starts, quickly wrapping the strand around my wrist. The wind stops.

"Wow." She grins shakily, "I mean, wow, that seems like a pretty handy weapon you got there." Hopefully that pun wasn't intended...

"But it is a curse." I say slowly, "and unfortunately, if I do not kill the one who 'blessed' me with it, it will consume me, as it has done to my forefathers." I grin, growing more tired as the minutes pass.

"Oh..." it is the first time I have heard her sound so forlorn, and I am touched that she cares for me. I yawn and she slings an arm around my waist, lifting me up with her. "Time for bed," I nod sleepily.

"I will not argue..." within seconds I am under familiar blankets and asleep with Ashita-sama standing guard by my side.

It is a week after my show of spectacle and Ashita-sama continues to sleep by me as my nightmares have not wholly ceased. But the pain is slowly becoming bearable and I can walk farther without tiring now.

My wanderings have given me an accurate picture of this village and I find that though it is small it is a veritable wellspring of activity. Children tend cattle in the fields, women work in the rice paddies and the men farm and cut wood for the coming winter storms. Every one is working and all around me young faces stare at the silent houshi who wears a purple glove that contains a hidden power.

Apparently my display did not go unnoticed.

I continue improving and the task of eating with chopsticks has become more manageable. But this brings with it ominous thoughts as my self-sufficiency is the realization that I will soon have to leave. I bring it up at our next meal.

"You'll be well enough to travel in a week, once your dizzy spells have passed..." Ashita-sama pauses and I know what is next, "you could stay here." Her eyes plead with me and I tell myself that I must move on...We...I must rid this world of Naraku.

"I have to..." I grin, gazing upon children playing tag in the failing twilight, "I thank you for your kindness and dare to ask one more favor."

"Of course, Miroku."

"I will need a few provisions and bandages..." Now I ponder how to wrap them around myself. "On second thought, some sort of sling will do..." I offer her a smile and she returns it...despondently.

"Does your arm pain you much now?" I shake my head.

"Only when I move it." I grin, forcing the pain of Sango away.

"'Only when you move it...'" she shoves me softly, "how will you manage on your own?" We laugh together as the night chills. "I...I could go with you."

"No, my journey is too dangerous and this village needs you."

"I know..." gently she hugs me and I return it with my right arm.

I go to bed soon after.

The week passes too quickly and I find that she was right about my lightheaded bouts, they stopped the day before yesterday.

I do not miss them.

My pack is beside me, light because it contains only some dried fruit, rice, salt, a bowl, chopsticks and a blanket. A small beaten metal pan and a flask of water are strung to the outside. I sling my luggage over my right shoulder, adjusting to the weight, and Ashita-sama, the only one that really knows me here, the only one to see me off, presses some money into my hand and waits for me to place it into the pocket of my black kimono. She gave me back my old clothes this morning. Next, she hands me my staff.

I feel wrong about accepting her money but I know I won't get far without it. Quietly she embraces me and adjusts the sling that holds my left arm steady next to my skin. I return the hug and ask her to point me in the direction that I had come from. I plan to skirt the village of the crying woman and head to where I had last heard news of Naraku.

I have nothing better to do then to fulfill my quest and it is my only lead.

"Be careful, and if you need anything, please come back..." I give her one last smile and turn away.

I see it in her eyes...she knows I will not return.


	9. Chapter 9

Wow, this is becoming a really long story...I used to stay away from them...oh well. As long as you continue to enjoy it, I guess I'll continue to write it...

Thank you for your many reviews!

Gah! Sorry, sorry, sorry for the extremely long wait!

The loneliness that had lessened during my stay at Ashita-sama's flares up again a half-day's journey back to where this whole ordeal started. Coupled with the ever-present sense of fatigue I can't hold back the torrent of sadness that washes over me. Thankfully, whatever medicine I had ingested during my stay at the village has long been out of my system as the pain has reached a bearable level. I am able to control my tears this time...

The anguish in my spirit, however, continues to scald me.

In an attempt to turn my warring thoughts away from Sango I think about my arm and how I will manage without it. It is still an off-color and it throbs in time with my heartbeat, but the sling, with its strap, keeps my gait from jarring it too much.

It is a wonderful thing, the contraption that hangs about my neck. Ashita-sama created it for me and I regret that I didn't thank her more for it. It has a band, which I can easily fasten by myself, attached to the section nearest my elbow. All I must do is reach around behind my back, grab the cloth and string it through the buckle attached near my hand. Since the fingers of my left hand still move I can grip the clasp to make the threading easier. Unfortunately, moving my fingers hurts the rest of my arm, but not too badly.

No matter how I try to stop it, Sango burns in the back of my mind...I wonder what she is doing...fighting some demon no doubt...and suddenly I wish I was with her...I feel a strong need to protect her, like a boiling madness. If anything happens to her, Inuyasha-

I start to shiver. Inuyasha nothing. I fear him more then my curse and I know I can do nothing against him. What little I remember of my nightmares is warped. My dreams of Inuyasha during the time of my illness only intensified my fear of him. I was unable to distinguish reality from my fever-induced visions...

...I no longer know exactly what happened anymore...in that village with the sobbing girl...

I only know that I am innocent and Inuyasha wronged me. Badly.

I pass people on the road, travelers like myself, and I wonder where they travel to. I wonder if anyone awaits them at the end of their journey. I know that no one waits for me at the end of my road.

My destination is unknown...but, before I met the others, it was like that as well. No reason I need not accept this change as I accepted the last one.

Why, I ask myself, does this change hurt me so much?

Being handicapped as I am, and now seeking a will to live, I blanche to think what will happen if some beast jumps me on the road. I can no longer just brandish my trump card; it takes a good three minutes to unwind it with my teeth and position it where I can seal it again quickly. To use my o-fuda I must drop my staff, a mistake I never want to make. I can't dodge quickly as pain makes me sluggish and weak.

I have only my prayers I suppose.

I realize, with a grim happiness, that I am not in search of Naraku any longer. In returning to where I last heard of him I hope to find Sango. I hope to catch her alone and speak with her. I _need_ to see her again.

But I must seek Naraku to do this, only because we all, at one time, sought a common goal. Regrettably, I am of no use in a battle.

I had hoped to make amends with Inuyasha, if only to quell my fear of him by proving to myself that it was only a mistake. That he didn't want to hurt me as he had done, that his emotions got the best of him as they often do...

But a nagging portion of my being keeps telling me that it wasn't a mistake. 'He wanted to hurt you,' it keeps screaming inside my mentality. It tells me that he was only searching for an opportunity, waiting until the right moment presented itself.

I still wonder what really happened to the crying woman and I resign myself to the fact that I will never know as my thoughts continually bring me back to Sango's beautiful face...

I glance up at the sky in time to see an ebbing sunset. I was so intent on looking at my feet that I hadn't even noticed the close of day. Carefully I make my way from the road. I don't chance a fire, those rumors of it keeping at bay the creatures of the night is very false. If anything, it draws them nearer. I drop my pack and sit cross-legged beside it, taking a sip of water as I do so. It tastes slightly pitchy from the barrel it was kept in, but after a day of waking in the hot sun it tastes all right to me.

I find that I am not very hungry, but am actually slightly nauseous. I overdid my still recovering body today and will more then likely pay a greater price tomorrow. Swallowing a piece of fruit anyway, to calm my stomach, I lean back against the rough bark of a tree and throw my blanket over my legs to keep warm.

Night falls quickly, black as deep woodland shade, and my attention drifts back to Sango...

...She told me once that no one would ever love her because she is scarred from many battles...

...I yearn to tell her that I do...

Dawn wakes me and I attempt to ignore it but find that a splitting headache won't let me do so. I swallow more water, gulp down another piece of fruit and place my blanket away. It takes me a good five minutes to replace my pack on my sweat-covered shoulders and I vow to wash at the first stream I come to. I shake my flask. The water sloshes with too much room to spare. It will have to be refilled.

If I remember right, which I probably don't, there should be a stream coming up fairly soon.

It will give me some time to check my arm as well. I believe Ashita-sama said something about pain liniment. I stagger up and pick my way back to the path.

My sandaled feet pad along the damp road and the sleepy mist soon lifts from my eyes as the sun burns away the fog gripping the road in its dewy claws. The headache, however, still clings dutifully behind my eyes.

When, hours later, the headache still hasn't lifted I stop to rest in the shade by the side of the way. I chance to dampen a spare piece of bandage with a portion of my meager supply of water even though I do not know when I will reach the stream I remember from my fevered wandering so many weeks ago. I place the rectangle of cloth over my eyes to cool my face and block out the blazing sun.

"There is a dark spirit hovering over this place." It is hours after my rest and I have reached a village with little of my headache remaining. I know it is not the township I fear because I would have reached it too soon. It is very fortunate I found this place because the stream that I swear I crossed seems to have not existed.

I have already paid for my room and restocked my pack but my instinct tells me that there is indeed something evil residing in the home of one of the villagers. The innkeeper bids me search for the bad omen and I bow to his request, I have nothing better to do.

So I search; the rings on my shakujou jingle and ring in the falling night and the presence grows stronger with each step. When the evil reaches its greatest point I stop and peer carefully at the "house," little more then a shack, I have stopped at. I jump as the innkeeper walks up behind me and speaks.

"This is the home of a woman that recently moved here with her child." He shudders and continues, "we pray everyday that she will depart from us, but she seems quiet keen on remaining here. She claims her village made her leave..." his tone became bitter, "I don't see why she thinks _we _will let her stay." I nod politely, but can't shake the feeling that I should just walk away and never return. My heart leaps in my throat and I can't bring myself move aside the tattered curtain that serves as a door.

Slowly I grasp a pair of o-fuda between two fingers, careful to lean my staff against the wall of the shed for easy access. I move aside the curtain with my stiff fingers and brace myself.

A scream! An inhuman shriek! Something dark and reeking of evil glides across the floor. Fear squeezes my racing heart and I see someone in the corner, hidden partly in shadow. I swallow my terror and rip down the curtain. I feel the blood drain from my face; the crying girl from the village is there, illuminated by harsh moonlight. Her clothes are different, stained but whole, but I know it is she.

"You!" She rages, crawling towards me on gnarled hands and knees. The face that once held a soft, pained innocence now glows with malice and hate. "You cursed me with this, this demon!" The thing that had slithered across the dirt floor earlier now darted from the shadows bearing teeth and aiming for me. I throw my o-fuda at it and grab my staff as the flares of holy light drive the phantom and its mother back away from the doorway.

"I did, I did no such thing!" I yell, the only way to keep my voice from shaking and thrust my staff forward. "Stay away from me! I never touched you! I don't know you!" Involuntary tears streak my face and I back away, the innkeeper is gone, escaped. I am scared and alone. I clench my teeth.

The terrible beast inches towards me, its pointed teeth drip with viscous saliva. I can't see the rest of it; just it's horrible red eyes and oozing fangs.

"I am human; I'm not a demon, just a houshi!" I scream, preparing to flee. "I am not a demon!" The spawn hisses and its mother cringes back in fear. "I'm not a demon..." I lash out and strike the thing, tendrils of my houriki reach towards it and burn where they make contact, I see blisters form on its oily skin. It screams; the noise slashes at my ears until I am sure they bleed. I gasp in weakness; my left shoulder burns from being so tense. The woman, hiding her face from the moon, laughs.

"...Then run...for it was birthed to destroy _you_..."


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you for the reviews!

Genki = energy, energetic.

I wake, screaming, into darkness. The demonic creature is clinging to my face, its putrid smell makes me gag and I almost retch but can manage to control myself. Barely.

It is merely the memory that haunts me.

I left the village the night the...spawn...showed itself. I can feel it, at the back of my subconscious...it is hurt and slow and I know I have some time. A little time to seek help and find it. It feels...attached to me somehow.

That was at least two days ago.

I have no supplies...they were left in my madness to escape the evil...

I have no water and I dont know where I might find some...somehow my body manages to pull itself upright. I feel the fingers of my past illness reach for me. My head feels heavy...I need water...

Pitching forward into the dusky moonlight I pick my way to the road. I have to keep moving...to find someone...

My thoughts fly to Mushin. He would be able to help me, he would want to protect me...But regrettably, he is too far from me and I know that I would never make it.

I grip my shakujou tightly; it is my only comfort and I am loath to part with it even as my hand aches from grasping it so tightly. Never have I felt so exposed...

I hate the fears that hold me captive.

I hate the lamenting woman and her demonic spawn...

I hate Inuyasha! He that cursed me with my weakness! It is worse then the affliction in my palm! I give in to tears of rage and momentarily think to myself that I never wept so much before...

Even when...father...

I lurch onward, praying that I will find water...

It is midday now and I have passed the village where Inuyasha abhorrently injured me. I skirted around it for I remember that the villagers didnt seem sympathetic to my plight before...what reason would they have to now?

It has been three days since I last tasted food or drink and it hurts to breathe, but I vow not to give in. I want...I need to live because the prospect of seeing Sango again gives me more hope then I ever had before. I also know that a village means fields, and fields mean water. I cant give in...

I stagger on, lost in the heat of the day...

In the distance I see the glimmer of the afternoon sun reflecting off the surface of what can only be liquid. With newfound strength, I run towards it and plunge my head into a trough.

I dont care, water means life be it from flask, river or trench.

I drink all that I can and then I drink more until Im almost sick. The lukewarm water flows down my neck and soaks my robes. I rest and move on. There is a darkness behind me.

No matter the reason the demon child seeks to kill me and I can only assume that it bears the grudge its mother gave it...despite the fact Im blameless...

This only leads to more questions...ones I have not the answers to...

Whatever it was that sired the foul beast must have resembled me in some way, but how I do not know...I can only keep moving, I feel that the creature has recovered itself quickly and follows with inhuman speed. My three-day lead wont protect me long, I must find help quickly...

I run, hopefully towards my last fear...

I come across a village, just a two-day stumble from the ditch that probably saved my life. It is small, little more then three houses and a barn, but the inhabitants are adequately friendly to a wounded houshi that has strength enough to banish an evil spirit.

I find it hiding in the barn, sucking the blood from an oxs neck. The animal swings its legs feebly in the air, kicking, in its death throes, dust and sand into the slight wind that stirs through this place. The dark creature attached to its neck seems to pay no mind. It is a weak thing, almost no shape at all, merely a black shadow clinging with pointed teeth. I am reminded of the demon spawn that hunts me and I pale. But this demon, intent upon its feed, takes no notice of me and my staff is sufficient enough to crush its skull in. I recite the sutras and dispose of both beast and demon. I explain to the villagers that they must build a shrine and ask for the protection of the gods.

It is a small victory, hardly worth mentioning, but it gains me a half-nights rest, all Im willing to attempt, some supplies and a new manner of transportation.

I head out in only hours, this time on horseback...

It is slow going, even on this animal, because I have only one hand to guide him with, and that is holding my shakujou. He is a dusty brown stallion with dim black eyes and a broken spirit that wont go faster then a slow trot...still, its swifter then I could manage on foot. The bouncing step jerks my arm dreadfully but I make do with it.

I want to go as quickly as possible and I can deal with pain.

I stop only to let my companion graze...I have no water for him and therefore expect to ride him until he can go no further...or we reach a settlement...

Hopefully well find water before then.

I have to employ the use of a low-lying tree branch to get back up onto his back...

I am never getting off it again. It took me twenty minutes to reach the saddle and I dont think I can do it again.

I am tired...

My shadow is closer then before, and stronger...my delay will cost me dearly I fear...but there is nothing I can do but urge my mount on faster...

My knees do nothing to encourage him to quicken his speed, and my fear doesnt seem to affect him at all...

I urge him on and name him Genki... hoping to inspire him to action.

It is days after I left the village and it is hours after nightfall. I am about ready to fall off my horse. My skull is pounding with the beat of his hooves...I am dead tired and my arm is killing me with its pain...the limb is only a white-hot lance in my despondent existence. I dont know how much more I or my companion can take...

Choking black! Yellow and crimson eyes!

I snap awake, having fallen asleep in the saddle...now both Inuyasha and my demon plague me in my dreams...

I yawn, and rub my eyes with my fist, chancing to hope that my legs will keep me attached to Genki...

Losing my balance, I tip thankfully, or unthankfully, forward. My left arm strikes his neck and I scream in pain. My vision swims and everything goes white.

I wake on the ground in the middle of the road, my staff beside me, Genki is grazing nearby and Im thankful he didnt run off. I try to sit up and, failing that, fall backwards with a cry. My horses ears only twitch as he continues to devour the tender stems. My arm feels, for lack of better explanation, like Inuyasha crushed it again.

I shudder at my own thoughts...

Listening to the thud of my heart in my head, I see the pale colors of dawn creep over the horizon...

I have lost hours of travel...my shadow moves closer, leaving dead in its wake I suspect as it feels stronger and much nearer then before...

Fear catches hold of me and I jump to my feet, grasping my staff, ignoring the blinding pain and nauseating vertigo. I grab hold of Genkis reins and throw myself over the saddle, almost falling over the other side. I kick him in the ribs, once, twice, and he roars off, water surging through a dam. This time he senses my terror and runs with it, I am only just hanging on, my arm one massive hurt. It makes me dizzy and I cling to his mane so that I dont fall off.

My fingers hurt...Im losing my grip...the thing is upon me! I urge Genki on faster, faster until Im sure his heart will burst. Spit flecks his muzzle and sweat runs from his flanks, his black irises are almost lost in a sea of white.

My shadow is closing...it caught me so quickly! I look to my right and shout, it is right next to me! Its red eyes are glowing, intense with hate in the black of its mass. It is bigger now, the size of a six-year-old child and it runs without touching the ground! Dozens of teeth dripping with bloody saliva smile at me! I yelp and swing my shakujou at it, I connect and it flies away, shrieking.

I have let go of my horse and my unstable body throws him off balance. Genki falls and I just manage to avoid being crushed by his powerful body, everything feels broken. He whinnies, but it is a scream, and kicks his legs in the air, trying to right himself.

My shadow descends upon his neck and I am reminded of the demon that I banished at the village...the one with the ox...

Genki writhes and screams...it is a horrible sound and I know when my shadow is done with my horse it will attack me next.

I dont have the strength to stop it...and barely the strength to run.

I dash into the trees, running as fast as my beaten body will allow me.

I hear laughter behind me, it curdles my blood and I stumble, only just maintaining equilibrium.

It knows I wont make it far.

My breathe is harsh and painful, a guttural rasp in my throat. I choke and cough, the rings on my staff chime loudly...my arm throbs...tears streak my face as my feet pound the uneven ground.

It is done feeding, I feel it coming for me. I feel its breathe on my neck, it claws are reaching for me!

I run faster.

There is a light in the distance...firelight! I strive towards it, my heart is hammering madly away in my chest...I have no strength or voice left to shout with...It lunges, fangs bared! I dodge weakly and roll on the forest floor using energy I didnt know I had to flip back to my feet. I stumble and thrash blindly at the air, once again my shakujou strikes it, but it is only a glancing blow and I feel long, serrated daggers latch into the span of muscle and bone that connects my left shoulder to my neck. Tripping, I tumble along the leaf-strewn ground, I can feel the teeth biting harder...I scream and try yank it off, blood is streaming, pooling on the ground, my fingers slip...I feel tired...my vision is blurry...weakly I crawl towards the firelight, the demon still attached to my neck...

White and red flashes in front of me...I hear the creature screech...I feel it let go...flee...my body hurts...I am shaking...sobbing...falling into non-descript gloom...

Sango...


End file.
